Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
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She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
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I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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