Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
