Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
