you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
