She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
