I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
