That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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