My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
