My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
