for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
