Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I touched a dick in church today
My feet surprised me
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