also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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