ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
