Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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