Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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