Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
