Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
