Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
