I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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