i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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