I wish I only lived at night.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
