$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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