Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
