my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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