You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
