There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
