I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize