hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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