I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
