she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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