He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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