She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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