dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
it was like eating out sand paper
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
