I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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