I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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