Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
