my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
