I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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