she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
