I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
