How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
