Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
