yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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