Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
