If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
