youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
