I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize