I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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