Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.