Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
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Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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