wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.