I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I have aggressive nipples.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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