hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.