Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
