I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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