oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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