you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
