Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
It's never too late to be topless.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
