I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
