I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
