just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
