Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Randomize
