New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
