I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
