Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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