Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
