I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
