My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
