I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
