I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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