i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i wish my penis had a tongue
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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