No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
