she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
