I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
